Logline Critique Session Two Revisited #3

TITLE: Gombay Dust
GENRE: Fantasy-Allegorical tale

ORIGINAL LOGLINE:

When a principal Wind-God is given a crucial order, which will save his rapidly deteriorating Community, he struggles with whether to obey at once, or follow his conscience and manipulate the command to help his three young daughters gain immortality. If he chooses the latter, he will have to, among other things, sabotage his only son, and accept deadly consequences.

REVISED LOGLINE:

Torn between a vow and duty, a love-struck Wind-God chooses to help his daughters gain power instead of following an order by The Source. His decision to disobey could mean interfering with the evolution of his community and risks sabotaging his only son’s legacy.

Copyright Rachael Harrie 2012